it's not cheating when I paid for it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
