sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found the puke drawer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
