"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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