Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
