Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
