You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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