The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
