ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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