my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
