I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
