Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
