I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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