I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize