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• (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp

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• (310): View more from California

  Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  I want to change all my life goals to that.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.

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• (951): View more from California

  Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me

  (951): View more from California

  Broooo

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