We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize