This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
