Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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