Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
