tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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