We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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