Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
