***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
