I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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