You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
