I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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