it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
