omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
