Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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