Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
