ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You made out with two different species that night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize