I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
