How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
