Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize