hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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