omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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