Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
