Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
4 words: hood of his car
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
