The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
