I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
