Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
