His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
