Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
