well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
