You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
