Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
