she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
