So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize