"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
