it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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