If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the liver wants what the liver wants
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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