Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
