Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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