ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
