also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
