I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
do nipples grow back?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
