About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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