can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
