i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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