Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
