after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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