Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I deserve this hangover.
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