if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
