you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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