you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
