We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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