Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
