she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
