Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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