i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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