I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
