can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
