I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We need a shit load of segways right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
