Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
