Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
