I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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