That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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