i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
