ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
