Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize