Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
