I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
